You caught the ball!

Dude! You caught the ball like 5 times in a row this evening. Might not seem much when you’re reading it now, but I thought this was an achievement worth mentioning tonight. Good job.

Now if you’ll only learn to bathe and clean yourself (especially after number 2), you’re set for life!

UPDATE (2011 June 22): You have been doing all of the above very consistently for the past couple of months now. I’d say your set for life except that…have you heard of this thing called ‘rising expectations?’

Being critical to others

I often find myself guilty of the following thoughts. Try to see if you’ve thought the same things in your life:

• Why is he like that???
• I saw her glancing at her cellphone during mass!
• How could he treat his wife like that??
• How could you do that to me???

There are many variations of these thoughts but the common theme is this: being critical about the faults of others. While driving home this afternoon, I came to realize that this is probably caused by human nature, a sort of coping mechanism. By emphasizing the fault of someone else, we somehow reassure our self that we are not so bad after all. In fact, we are a victim of somone else’s trespasses and we should be given sympathy, not judgement.

I suppose this behavior is understandable, being the imperfect human beings that we are. I have to admit, I continue to be guilty of this. However, it is inexcusable. If we continue to justify these thoughts, we are doing harm to the other person because we are basically saying “you are not good enough!” (this goes against the most basic teaching of our faith which is to love everyone around us). Even worse though is that we could be doing harm to our self with these thoughts since they have a tendency to make us complacent with our own behavior and actions. Indirectly we are thinking “I’m not as bad as he/she is. So I guess I can put off improving on myself.”

But what are we to do then? Should we just focus on our own sins and put down ourselves for being sinners? No. I think that would be a life not worth living.

Let me offer a suggestion: Instead of comparing ourselves to others, why don’t we compare ourselves to our own self? Compare yourself to the you a decade ago, a year ago, a week ago, yesterday, even a minute ago. Have you improved since then? If yes, then rejoice, for you are being a true human being! If not, what can you do to make yourself a little bit better? Perhaps this is a better way to live because it allows us to improve upon ourselves continually as well as see that we are becoming a better person everyday.

Lighten up, son. Enjoy life and enjoy the company of everyone around you. I love you.

Thanks for putting the plate away, son

In case I get too old to remember this, I just want to say thank you for returning the plate to the kitchen after every meal (and for doing little things like this that make your mom and I smile).

Profound emotions

Don’t be fooled into thinking that the most profound emotions are the negative ones. On the contrary, I believe that negative emotions are a cop out. I believe that sadness and anger, for example, are mainly the result of one’s inability to see the bigger picture. Some would argue that feelings are neither right or wrong. I believe that’s partly true. At the onset, negative feelings are understandable. However, if we let these negative feelings/emotions rule our lives. If we allow ourselves to dwell in these negative feelings, then we are not exercising our full capacity to understand, to seek the truth, to be truly human.

I say this of my recent observation back in Cebu where I noticed a gallery of artwork, and a mural right outside that gallery where the emotions being conveyed were about sadness, about anger. There were some that conveyed happiness, but it was depicted in a sarcastic manner, as if the artist was embarrassed by the emotion.

I say the most profound emotion is that which emanates from love. When you choose to love someone despite your awareness of their shortcomings, beautiful and very positive emotions emanate from it. Emotions that give you a sense of happiness that you should not be ashamed of.

Sadness is not profound. Happiness from love is.

Beware, Those Theives of Time

A phrase I overheard last Sunday afternoon: Things are thieves of time. The more you own or desire them, the more time you have to sacrifice by working to keep or acquire them.

This is particularly relevant at this stage in my life when I’m beginning to ask whether the things that I’m able to acquire are worth the sacrifice I’m making with the relationships in my life. Not that I’ve been burning bridges, but a little neglect here and forgetting to touch base every now and then can add up and before you know it…you know what I mean.

I hope you won’t have to go through these concerns during your time. I hope that you won’t have to face a decision between life and working to acquire things (and if you must, that you always choose life). I hope that you have better luck weaving your way through this world and I hope you always find yourself successful in nurturing the relationships you have with family and friends. I hope you always know that working and “things” exist to support life and relationships and not the other way around.

I hope you don’t let yourself be lured by the temptations of things which are, I think, the root cause of many worries in life.

Husbands and Wives

I had a wonderful time with your mommy during the Marriage Encounter weekend hosted by Bukas Loob sa Diyos. One thing that stuck with me is this paraphrased passage from the Bible:

Wives, be subordinate to your husbands for the husband is the head of the family…husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church.

Your mom and I initially reacted with consternation: why this very male dominated view of married life? Why should the requirement on the wife be so much as to almost degrade her as a second class citizen in the marriage?

What we didn’t notice which our spiritual director, Fr. Gerry Juarez, pointed out very well was the part about the husband’s duty:

Love your wife just as Christ loved the church.

Recall that Christ died for the church. This means that I as a husband must give up my life for the sake of your mommy. If the situation calls for it, I should not hesitate to favor her well being over mine. I have to admit that this has been my mistake in the past. Even as your mom and I were married, I continued to think more of a bachelor and to favor things that give me pleasure. I was even critical to your mother for not being perfect. Perhaps I was not vocal about my critique, but thoughts are sneaky little things and they always find ways to come out whether through words or actions.

The marriage encounter has done a wonderful thing to me and your mom and I hope that, when the time comes, you will also participate in such an event as it will help you live a full and happy life with the partner of your choosing.

Success

The feeling of success DOES NOT emanate from the achievement of goals.

The feeling of success stems from your own personal knowledge that you did what was possible and necessary to achieve the goal. In which case, when you don’t achieve your goal, then you can say that it was not the time and move on or, even better, improve on your next attempt.

You’ll probably become familiar with this feeling as you grow up and notice it even more when this feeling is absent. The time you feel like a failure is when you feel something gnawing inside, reminding you that you deliberately missed a spot. Don’t ever ignore that feeling because that’s your conscience talking to you; learning to ignore one’s conscience is the worst thing any person can do to himself. So acknowledge it and, next time, don’t deliberately miss a spot.