Appreciation and the wonderful evening we had tonight

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing; it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well”

–Voltaire

——

Today was a wonderful day for all four of us. There were some tantrums throughout the day, terrible twos rearing its ugly head at dinner, and rice strewn on and around the dining table. But we spent a few minutes after dinner dancing in the living area. I danced around with both of you in my arms, danced with mommy, and mommy with both of you. I wish I had all of this on video or in a picture, but I suppose having it in my memory is much better because I got to immerse myself in the moment rather than fiddling with gadgets. I am very grateful for this day.

On Being Saved

Imagine there’s a drowning man in a river and he’s helpless. “Save me!” he cries to a passerby. Now, the passerby—the rescuer—feels flattered because we all like to help people. It makes us feel good. We’re proud to play an important role, to save someone who’s in trouble. So the rescuer helps the victim out of the river and goes home, and so does the victim. All live happily ever after in this parable.

However, in the real world, what tends to happen is that someone isn’t actually about to drown; they just think so. They think they’re helpless. And in real life, there are no rescuers. A passerby will help you to some extent, but only to the extent of help they feel comfortable to offer. In the real world, they don’t have the resources to save you. So the help is ultimately insufficient.

In real life, people who allow themselves to play the role of victims, who wait for a rescuer to come along, tend to live unhappily ever after.

In real life, there are no rescuers, but you are not helpless.

Adapted from Rise and Shine: The Extraordinary Story of One Man’s Journey from Near Death to Full Recovery

On Persuading Someone

Boys, here’s a very valuable and very welcome advice given to me by one of my mentors in Morph:

When you are delivering advice, you are already communicating to the person from a bit above.  When you are delivering eulogy, you are already communicating to the person from a bit below.  Whenever you want to persuade a person, you are supposed to communicate with the same eye level.  Without placing yourself there, you will not be able to develop “empathy to reach mutual benefit”.  Business is all about “the empathy to reach mutual benefit”  When you become a leader, act under this base concept.  Same thing can be applied when persuading employees, partners, and customers.

On Pain by Kahlil Gibran

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Just as the skin of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain

And if you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain will be just as wondrous as your joy;
And if you accept the seasons of your heart, just as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields, you will watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burns your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

On Risk

Let me tell you something about risk:

• It’s NOT something that you plan to include in your life.
• It’s NOT something that you pursue in the hopes of finding great rewards at the end of the road.
• It is something you try to avoid. If you cannot avoid it, try to minimize it as soon as possible. If that’s not possible, get the hell out of there!

You cannot control risk, but you can prepare yourself so that the effects on you are minimized. Life, after all, is more about avoiding or reducing risks:

• You keep yourself clean to avoid the risk of illness
• You educate yourself to avoid the risk of unemployment or being taken advantage of
• In business, you do an appropriate amount of market research to avoid bad investments (and yes, businessmen who say they are risk takers are being ignorant)
• You take in up to 8 glasses of water a day to avoid the risk of dehydration

Don’t believe for a second that the amount of risk is always directly proportional to the reward. Most of the time, it isn’t (think about this: do you think it’s more rewarding to bungee jump with an umbrella instead of a bungee cord??). So don’t make decisions in life based exclusively on the amount of risk involved, you’ll just end up setting yourself up for a lot of frustrations if you do.

UPDATE (2011 Oct 31): I feel that some parts of this entry sound too much as if I’m saying avoid all risk no matter what. That was not my intention. The gist of what I’m trying to say is this: find something you truly believe in (e.g. creating an amazing product, starting a movement, founding a non-profit organization) and, after evaluating the risks involved (to you, your idea, your family), set out to achieve it by reducing the risks involved as much as possible.

Finding a work of art

Here’s something to think about when looking for or pursuing that special someone.
Every person that you meet has been working their entire lives on their own selves. Just like you. Our own person is the greatest work of art that we will ever make, and just like any work of art, the person who created it would jump by leaps and bounds if there was only one person who knew how to genuinely appreciate it. That is why people value it very much when they realize that someone understands them completely.

This is how you make someone fall in love with you.

So the question now is this: who is this someone that, despite their imperfections, despite their shortcomings, despite what other people say about them, you still think that their work of art is the most priceless thing in the world. And the feeling is mutual (and by this I mean you can observe it without her telling you about it).

That person is someone you can have a genuine relationship with.

Calling Bullsh*t

Boys, I think that calling each other’s bullsh*t is not a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a good sign that you’re keeping yourselves honest with one another. But perhaps a few rules of engagement to keep things in order:

• If your brother calls your bullsh*t and he’s right, admit it. Don’t be afraid to lose face. You will lose your brother’s respect more if you stay on with the lie.
• If you call your brother’s bullsh*t and he admits to it, show him some respect. It takes guts to admit one’s flaws.
• After the bullsh*t has been called, make sure to patch things up right there, then hang out over a couple bottles of beer. I expect, however, that you are already at a drinking age when you read this. Otherwise, stick to the orange juice.

This letter may sound funny but I really believe that this is one of the best ways to keep yourself honest with one another and help to strengthen your bond as brothers.

Stay close, and be grateful for each other always.

You caught the ball!

Dude! You caught the ball like 5 times in a row this evening. Might not seem much when you’re reading it now, but I thought this was an achievement worth mentioning tonight. Good job.

Now if you’ll only learn to bathe and clean yourself (especially after number 2), you’re set for life!

UPDATE (2011 June 22): You have been doing all of the above very consistently for the past couple of months now. I’d say your set for life except that…have you heard of this thing called ‘rising expectations?’

Being critical to others

I often find myself guilty of the following thoughts. Try to see if you’ve thought the same things in your life:

• Why is he like that???
• I saw her glancing at her cellphone during mass!
• How could he treat his wife like that??
• How could you do that to me???

There are many variations of these thoughts but the common theme is this: being critical about the faults of others. While driving home this afternoon, I came to realize that this is probably caused by human nature, a sort of coping mechanism. By emphasizing the fault of someone else, we somehow reassure our self that we are not so bad after all. In fact, we are a victim of somone else’s trespasses and we should be given sympathy, not judgement.

I suppose this behavior is understandable, being the imperfect human beings that we are. I have to admit, I continue to be guilty of this. However, it is inexcusable. If we continue to justify these thoughts, we are doing harm to the other person because we are basically saying “you are not good enough!” (this goes against the most basic teaching of our faith which is to love everyone around us). Even worse though is that we could be doing harm to our self with these thoughts since they have a tendency to make us complacent with our own behavior and actions. Indirectly we are thinking “I’m not as bad as he/she is. So I guess I can put off improving on myself.”

But what are we to do then? Should we just focus on our own sins and put down ourselves for being sinners? No. I think that would be a life not worth living.

Let me offer a suggestion: Instead of comparing ourselves to others, why don’t we compare ourselves to our own self? Compare yourself to the you a decade ago, a year ago, a week ago, yesterday, even a minute ago. Have you improved since then? If yes, then rejoice, for you are being a true human being! If not, what can you do to make yourself a little bit better? Perhaps this is a better way to live because it allows us to improve upon ourselves continually as well as see that we are becoming a better person everyday.

Lighten up, son. Enjoy life and enjoy the company of everyone around you. I love you.

Thanks for putting the plate away, son

In case I get too old to remember this, I just want to say thank you for returning the plate to the kitchen after every meal (and for doing little things like this that make your mom and I smile).